Week 7: The Illusionist
On my flight to Chicago last weekend, the woman sitting in my aisle was one
of those fatty chatty types that never found a private conversation she
couldn’t barge into. She was an older white woman, and my poor countryman
shielding her from me was stuck furnishing the bulk of the responses. It
didn’t matter that his English was so fresh-off-the-boat that her rapid-fire
questions curried him in his own confusion; silence was her mortal enemy.
Brotherhood? Whenever my countryman turned to me for help, I would raise my
book closer to my face.
You know how the seats in a plane are so close together that you can’t help
but hear the conversations in the row behind you? On the ground in Chicago,
as we all stood up, this lady turns to the people behind us (having never
introduced herself) and tells the couple, "Enjoy your vacation!" and the
solo male traveler "Cheer hard for your girlfriend this weekend!" "Um," he
said in bewilderment, "I will." "You’ll have to cheer hard for my two
friends too." "Uh…okay." "They were training to run with our youth pastor,
but he died this May." Silence. "Very sad." More silence.
"Do you remember hearing the story about those two brothers who tried to
rescue that kayaker this spring?" she asked, turning around to startle my
countryman. He nodded without any firm grasp of what was being asked.
"Well, all three of them died. But the kayaker was our youth minister."
Her chatter tailed him as they exited the plane ahead of me.
The more he heard about the youth minister, I think, the more he began to
envy him.
People dress up for marathons. I saw a guy running in a Superman suit (with
padding). I also saw a Fred and Wilma Flintstones. The problem is, they
got separated. So, as Wilma ran ahead, the crowd chanted "Toga! Toga!
Toga!" And when Fred came by, people weren’t quite sure what he was
supposed to be (he had taken off the signature blue kerchief for chafing
reasons). One spectator offered: "Go…watermelon slice!"
The race sucked on many levels. It’s a 34,000+-person race, and every year,
the logistics get more difficult. Every race morning becomes a more
frenetic scramble to find a cab. At the race stie, 34,000+ (and more each
year) are squeezing past each other shoulder-to-shoulder trying to get to
(i) the porta-potty lines, (ii) the bag check line, and (iii) their start
corrals, all of which are located in different parts of Grant Park. Not to
mention the fact that it was rainy and in the high thirties.
But my day was still nothing compared to the winner’s. Check out this
finish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWheGgqmq0A
(Update: He spent two nights in the hospital, and has been released.)
Special congratulations to the most exciting team in all of college sports!
The storied Yale Bulldogs pulled an upset win over Penn this past weekend,
propelling them to a 5-1 record to tie them atop the Ivies with Princeton!
With the Tigers ending Harvard’s unbeaten streak the same weekend, both Yale
and Harvard are sitting on 5-1 records with four weeks to go in the season.
Will The Game this year determine the Ivy League championship? Will
Princeton insist it has a rivalry with Yale and Harvard while neither of
them care? Stay tuned!
Onto the game. . .
Having dominated them 52-31 in their previous meeting, America’s Team, the
Appalachian Assassins, your CAROLINA PANTHERS returned to Cincinnati four
years later riding a four-game win streak. But the Bengals were ready for
them, with several key starters returning from injury.
(My paralegal Sophia got a "football injury" this past weekend. Why are you
wearing glasses?, I asked her. I got an eye injury playing football, she
said. What happened?, I asked, suddenly concerned. The girl in front of me
would flip her ponytail back when she hiked the ball, and once it hit me in
the eye.
There are times when it’s better to just make up a story.)
The Panthers were writing their own story, entitled Thanks For Keeping My
Foot Warm With Your Ass. The Tar Heel Terror Squad dominated from coin to
whistle, with touchdowns by TE Kris Mangum and RB Nick Goings putting the
Cats ahead 14-10 through the end of the third! Sensing the futility of
playing against the most dominant team in the history of the NFL, Cincinnati
went with a gutsy call in the fourth, calling a pass play on 4th-and-1.
Would WR Chad Johnson choke? In Cincinnati, birthplace of Henry Heimlich?
A new set of downs and a Houshmandzadeh TD, Bengals up 17-14!
Down by 3, less than six minutes to go. Just another Sunday for Cool Hand
Jake.
The General marched the Panthers downfield and was at third and goal when he
realized his dilemma. Score here, and the Bengals were likely out of the
playoffs. Let them hang on, however, and you increased the chances that
they, rather than a stronger AFC team, would face Carolina in the Super
Bowl.
With laser-like precision, Delhomme guided the ball into the startled hands
of Bengals S Kevin Kaesviharn. Cinci holds onto the ball and the win! What
a virtuoso performance by Pro Bowler Delhomme! What cunning! What presence
of mind!
Next week: Tony Romo gets Made, starting for the Cowboys in Carolina.
Prediction:
Panthers 49, Dallas 6
Until next time.
RROWRRRRRRRR!
of those fatty chatty types that never found a private conversation she
couldn’t barge into. She was an older white woman, and my poor countryman
shielding her from me was stuck furnishing the bulk of the responses. It
didn’t matter that his English was so fresh-off-the-boat that her rapid-fire
questions curried him in his own confusion; silence was her mortal enemy.
Brotherhood? Whenever my countryman turned to me for help, I would raise my
book closer to my face.
You know how the seats in a plane are so close together that you can’t help
but hear the conversations in the row behind you? On the ground in Chicago,
as we all stood up, this lady turns to the people behind us (having never
introduced herself) and tells the couple, "Enjoy your vacation!" and the
solo male traveler "Cheer hard for your girlfriend this weekend!" "Um," he
said in bewilderment, "I will." "You’ll have to cheer hard for my two
friends too." "Uh…okay." "They were training to run with our youth pastor,
but he died this May." Silence. "Very sad." More silence.
"Do you remember hearing the story about those two brothers who tried to
rescue that kayaker this spring?" she asked, turning around to startle my
countryman. He nodded without any firm grasp of what was being asked.
"Well, all three of them died. But the kayaker was our youth minister."
Her chatter tailed him as they exited the plane ahead of me.
The more he heard about the youth minister, I think, the more he began to
envy him.
People dress up for marathons. I saw a guy running in a Superman suit (with
padding). I also saw a Fred and Wilma Flintstones. The problem is, they
got separated. So, as Wilma ran ahead, the crowd chanted "Toga! Toga!
Toga!" And when Fred came by, people weren’t quite sure what he was
supposed to be (he had taken off the signature blue kerchief for chafing
reasons). One spectator offered: "Go…watermelon slice!"
The race sucked on many levels. It’s a 34,000+-person race, and every year,
the logistics get more difficult. Every race morning becomes a more
frenetic scramble to find a cab. At the race stie, 34,000+ (and more each
year) are squeezing past each other shoulder-to-shoulder trying to get to
(i) the porta-potty lines, (ii) the bag check line, and (iii) their start
corrals, all of which are located in different parts of Grant Park. Not to
mention the fact that it was rainy and in the high thirties.
But my day was still nothing compared to the winner’s. Check out this
finish.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWheGgqmq0A
(Update: He spent two nights in the hospital, and has been released.)
Special congratulations to the most exciting team in all of college sports!
The storied Yale Bulldogs pulled an upset win over Penn this past weekend,
propelling them to a 5-1 record to tie them atop the Ivies with Princeton!
With the Tigers ending Harvard’s unbeaten streak the same weekend, both Yale
and Harvard are sitting on 5-1 records with four weeks to go in the season.
Will The Game this year determine the Ivy League championship? Will
Princeton insist it has a rivalry with Yale and Harvard while neither of
them care? Stay tuned!
Onto the game. . .
Having dominated them 52-31 in their previous meeting, America’s Team, the
Appalachian Assassins, your CAROLINA PANTHERS returned to Cincinnati four
years later riding a four-game win streak. But the Bengals were ready for
them, with several key starters returning from injury.
(My paralegal Sophia got a "football injury" this past weekend. Why are you
wearing glasses?, I asked her. I got an eye injury playing football, she
said. What happened?, I asked, suddenly concerned. The girl in front of me
would flip her ponytail back when she hiked the ball, and once it hit me in
the eye.
There are times when it’s better to just make up a story.)
The Panthers were writing their own story, entitled Thanks For Keeping My
Foot Warm With Your Ass. The Tar Heel Terror Squad dominated from coin to
whistle, with touchdowns by TE Kris Mangum and RB Nick Goings putting the
Cats ahead 14-10 through the end of the third! Sensing the futility of
playing against the most dominant team in the history of the NFL, Cincinnati
went with a gutsy call in the fourth, calling a pass play on 4th-and-1.
Would WR Chad Johnson choke? In Cincinnati, birthplace of Henry Heimlich?
A new set of downs and a Houshmandzadeh TD, Bengals up 17-14!
Down by 3, less than six minutes to go. Just another Sunday for Cool Hand
Jake.
The General marched the Panthers downfield and was at third and goal when he
realized his dilemma. Score here, and the Bengals were likely out of the
playoffs. Let them hang on, however, and you increased the chances that
they, rather than a stronger AFC team, would face Carolina in the Super
Bowl.
With laser-like precision, Delhomme guided the ball into the startled hands
of Bengals S Kevin Kaesviharn. Cinci holds onto the ball and the win! What
a virtuoso performance by Pro Bowler Delhomme! What cunning! What presence
of mind!
Next week: Tony Romo gets Made, starting for the Cowboys in Carolina.
Prediction:
Panthers 49, Dallas 6
Until next time.
RROWRRRRRRRR!
posted by Panther fan at 9:04 AM
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