Week 13: DeShaun Also Rises
December 7 was Pearl Harbor Day. At my firm, the associates had a big sushi lunch.
We are magnanimous in victory.
Onto the game. . .
It's the stat the world was talking about heading into last Sunday. Undefeated. No losses. That's right. Michael Vick's perfect record in five starts against America's Team, the Fearsome Felines, your CAROLINA PANTHERS. I was so worried about it that in the middle of my date with Liza on Saturday night, I ducked into the bathroom to make a quick phone call.
John Fox: Hello?
Me: John? It's me.
John Fox: Oh, hey! How's the date going?
Me: No time for that, John. Listen, I'm worried. Theisman said we had no chance of beating Vick tomorrow.
John Fox: Joey Harrington ordered room service and Theisman said it was "they type of gutsy call this kid can make under pressure." Trust me, just watch tomorrow.
Me: You sure?
John Fox: I'm sure. Now, go back and don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Sunday, the plan was poetic in its simplicity, brilliant in its totality. Play the corners man-to-man, free your safeties to drop back or blitz, and force Vick to pass. What do you get? Why, just the most sacks in one location since Kelly's law school parties! On Minter, on Rucker, on Peppers and Draft! Put Davis at spy and leave Vick feeling trapped! Buckner, Moorehead, and Witherspoon too! Let Warrick go for it for a negative two! On Ericsson field there arose such a clatter! The Panthers were serving whoop-ass on a platter! Five sacks and two picks, the Panthers are rising! It's Carolina's world, so screw you, Theisman!
Reader mail feature:
From Mark L. at Wet Willie's on Miami Beach:
"I'm glad you and Reenah had a nice turkey day. You should start up a thanksgiving day catering service."
We are accepting pre-orders for our Dum-Dum platters for Halloween '06.
From Brian B., in NYC:
"...Joe Horn's constant use of the third person to describe his on-field exploits is just money. I am trying to work that into my conversational habits, a la 'those are the kinds of big deals brian b---- gets done,' or 'that's the kind of investment banker brian b----- is.'"
Do you remember a couple of years back when Joe Horn was trying really hard to get the nickname "Hollywood," and would keep using it during interviews (ala "T-bone" on "Seinfeld)? Then Chris Berman started calling him Joe "Little Big" Horn. And just like that, his endorsement opportunities went from unlimited to greeter at Foxwoods.
This week: Huge divisional matchup, as the 9-3 Panthers take on 8-4 Tampa Bay. A win this week gives Carolina undisputed dominance over the NFC South, a loss puts them in a dead heat with Tampa Bay with three games left in the season.
Until next time.
Rrowrrr!
We are magnanimous in victory.
Onto the game. . .
It's the stat the world was talking about heading into last Sunday. Undefeated. No losses. That's right. Michael Vick's perfect record in five starts against America's Team, the Fearsome Felines, your CAROLINA PANTHERS. I was so worried about it that in the middle of my date with Liza on Saturday night, I ducked into the bathroom to make a quick phone call.
John Fox: Hello?
Me: John? It's me.
John Fox: Oh, hey! How's the date going?
Me: No time for that, John. Listen, I'm worried. Theisman said we had no chance of beating Vick tomorrow.
John Fox: Joey Harrington ordered room service and Theisman said it was "they type of gutsy call this kid can make under pressure." Trust me, just watch tomorrow.
Me: You sure?
John Fox: I'm sure. Now, go back and don't do anything I wouldn't do.
Sunday, the plan was poetic in its simplicity, brilliant in its totality. Play the corners man-to-man, free your safeties to drop back or blitz, and force Vick to pass. What do you get? Why, just the most sacks in one location since Kelly's law school parties! On Minter, on Rucker, on Peppers and Draft! Put Davis at spy and leave Vick feeling trapped! Buckner, Moorehead, and Witherspoon too! Let Warrick go for it for a negative two! On Ericsson field there arose such a clatter! The Panthers were serving whoop-ass on a platter! Five sacks and two picks, the Panthers are rising! It's Carolina's world, so screw you, Theisman!
Reader mail feature:
From Mark L. at Wet Willie's on Miami Beach:
"I'm glad you and Reenah had a nice turkey day. You should start up a thanksgiving day catering service."
We are accepting pre-orders for our Dum-Dum platters for Halloween '06.
From Brian B., in NYC:
"...Joe Horn's constant use of the third person to describe his on-field exploits is just money. I am trying to work that into my conversational habits, a la 'those are the kinds of big deals brian b---- gets done,' or 'that's the kind of investment banker brian b----- is.'"
Do you remember a couple of years back when Joe Horn was trying really hard to get the nickname "Hollywood," and would keep using it during interviews (ala "T-bone" on "Seinfeld)? Then Chris Berman started calling him Joe "Little Big" Horn. And just like that, his endorsement opportunities went from unlimited to greeter at Foxwoods.
This week: Huge divisional matchup, as the 9-3 Panthers take on 8-4 Tampa Bay. A win this week gives Carolina undisputed dominance over the NFC South, a loss puts them in a dead heat with Tampa Bay with three games left in the season.
Until next time.
Rrowrrr!
posted by Panther fan at 2:37 AM
1 Comments:
Dear Panther fan --- Nice blog! I was looking for Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets related info, but stopped for a minute when I found you blog! It is great! I am book-marking it and will come back! I haven't seem a blog quite like Week 13: DeShaun Also Rises! Anyway great blog, but no Fantasy Football Cheat Sheets info here I I am out! THanks...
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