Week 11: Derailed
Our D.C. office brought in a new security chief, due to a rash of thefts since we moved into our new building. Six iPods being stolen in the past three months resulted in a meeting Wednesday morning. I came to the meeting late, which in itself raised some eyebrows. Luckily, I hadn't followed through on my thought of sending out an all-firm request for six iPod chargers. Or asking that the meeting be podcast.
Our new security chief is a no-nonsense, ex-DEA undercover agent. He assured us that he would be our eyes and ears. The thefts had taken place during daylight and evening hours, and he thought inside and outside people might be involved. He urged us to stay alert and report any suspicious activity.
Sarah asked whether we could set up some sort of system where one could report suspicious activity anonymously. That's great, I thought. Maybe you can include a drop-down menu that says, 'If you're reporting this person for a reason other than their ethnicity, click here.'
The thefts had progressed to laptops. A partner, Annemargaret, had had hers stolen earlier in the week. 'I thought someone from MIS had taken it,' she said, 'because I had called the helpdesk earlier in the afternoon.' Our helpdesk people? Responding in a couple of hours? That should have raised her suspicions immediately.
As an added security measure, our chief of security suggested requiring all employees to wear their I.D. badges visibly at all times. I leaned over to Greg, one of our senior legislative paralegals, who is gay. Collectively, we're on the outer perimeters of our respective sexual preferences. 'I don't know how I'm supposed to coordinate this with all of my outfits,' I told him. He nodded sympathetically.
Despite the initial explosion of thieving, our security chief was sure that with a little cooperation from everyone, we would put an end to it. 'I don't get it,' whispered Karl, a tax partner, to me. 'How come no one's stealing my stuff?'
'What's wrong with my stuff?'
On to The Game. . .
In a heartstopping thriller last Saturday, in which the Ivy League witnessed its first-ever triple overtime game, the Harvard Crimson eked out a victory over your YALE BULLDOGS. Yale roared back the following week, however, with a convincing 3-0 victory in Rhodes scholarships.
On to the game. . .
"Having seen [Chicago], I desire never to see it again. It is inhabited by savages." -Rudyard Kipling
What do you call a man who coaches his team into first place? Talented.
What do you call a man who strategically moves his team into second place? Is the word 'genius' spoken for?
Last week, the most complete team in professional sports, the most dominant defense in the National Football League, the Growling Wall, the Tar Heel Terror Squad, your CAROLINA PANTHERS, traveled to Chicago with weighty matters on their mind. They were tied with Seattle for first place. Were they to continue on their torrid pace, they would easily clinch the top seed, and end up in the same bracket as the likey number three seed, the New York Giants. If only there were a way to move into the second seed, and take on either Dallas or the dregs of the NFC South.
If only there were some way. . .
With Chicago fans putting their enormous collective girth behind their team, Kyle Orton nimbly led the Bears to a punt. They were going to need a little help. On the Panthers first possession, the Cajun Hannibal, Jake Delhomme, deftly underthrew his pass into the hands of Bears CB Nathan Vasher. Chicago converted into a touchdown. So far, so good.
On their next possession, Orton again steered the Bears into a punt. Concern creased the brow of the Panthers coach. The Bears were entirely capable of playing themselves into a loss. Panthers' next possession, Delhomme looked for his favorite target, Nathan Vasher. A perfect pass to Vasher! The Bears defense hasn't seen this much action since Paris Hilton dumped Brian Urlacher! Could there be any doubt about John Fox's ingenious strategy? Is there any other way to explain why Delhomme would throw a pass short and to the inside while his receiver was going long and out _twice_ in the same qaurter? Perfect pass, perfect set-up, Bears take a 10-0 lead.
With the Bears lead securely in place, the Panthers offense relented, letting their defense chew up the clock with the Bears offense. In the end, the Panthers earned a much-needed 13-3 loss, and a chance to determine their own destiny in the playoffs.
No reader mail feature this week. Keep them emails coming.
Next week: your Panthers travel to the Capital City of Failure, Buffalo, to take on J.P. Losman and the Bills.
Until next time.
Rrowrrrr!
Our new security chief is a no-nonsense, ex-DEA undercover agent. He assured us that he would be our eyes and ears. The thefts had taken place during daylight and evening hours, and he thought inside and outside people might be involved. He urged us to stay alert and report any suspicious activity.
Sarah asked whether we could set up some sort of system where one could report suspicious activity anonymously. That's great, I thought. Maybe you can include a drop-down menu that says, 'If you're reporting this person for a reason other than their ethnicity, click here.'
The thefts had progressed to laptops. A partner, Annemargaret, had had hers stolen earlier in the week. 'I thought someone from MIS had taken it,' she said, 'because I had called the helpdesk earlier in the afternoon.' Our helpdesk people? Responding in a couple of hours? That should have raised her suspicions immediately.
As an added security measure, our chief of security suggested requiring all employees to wear their I.D. badges visibly at all times. I leaned over to Greg, one of our senior legislative paralegals, who is gay. Collectively, we're on the outer perimeters of our respective sexual preferences. 'I don't know how I'm supposed to coordinate this with all of my outfits,' I told him. He nodded sympathetically.
Despite the initial explosion of thieving, our security chief was sure that with a little cooperation from everyone, we would put an end to it. 'I don't get it,' whispered Karl, a tax partner, to me. 'How come no one's stealing my stuff?'
'What's wrong with my stuff?'
On to The Game. . .
In a heartstopping thriller last Saturday, in which the Ivy League witnessed its first-ever triple overtime game, the Harvard Crimson eked out a victory over your YALE BULLDOGS. Yale roared back the following week, however, with a convincing 3-0 victory in Rhodes scholarships.
On to the game. . .
"Having seen [Chicago], I desire never to see it again. It is inhabited by savages." -Rudyard Kipling
What do you call a man who coaches his team into first place? Talented.
What do you call a man who strategically moves his team into second place? Is the word 'genius' spoken for?
Last week, the most complete team in professional sports, the most dominant defense in the National Football League, the Growling Wall, the Tar Heel Terror Squad, your CAROLINA PANTHERS, traveled to Chicago with weighty matters on their mind. They were tied with Seattle for first place. Were they to continue on their torrid pace, they would easily clinch the top seed, and end up in the same bracket as the likey number three seed, the New York Giants. If only there were a way to move into the second seed, and take on either Dallas or the dregs of the NFC South.
If only there were some way. . .
With Chicago fans putting their enormous collective girth behind their team, Kyle Orton nimbly led the Bears to a punt. They were going to need a little help. On the Panthers first possession, the Cajun Hannibal, Jake Delhomme, deftly underthrew his pass into the hands of Bears CB Nathan Vasher. Chicago converted into a touchdown. So far, so good.
On their next possession, Orton again steered the Bears into a punt. Concern creased the brow of the Panthers coach. The Bears were entirely capable of playing themselves into a loss. Panthers' next possession, Delhomme looked for his favorite target, Nathan Vasher. A perfect pass to Vasher! The Bears defense hasn't seen this much action since Paris Hilton dumped Brian Urlacher! Could there be any doubt about John Fox's ingenious strategy? Is there any other way to explain why Delhomme would throw a pass short and to the inside while his receiver was going long and out _twice_ in the same qaurter? Perfect pass, perfect set-up, Bears take a 10-0 lead.
With the Bears lead securely in place, the Panthers offense relented, letting their defense chew up the clock with the Bears offense. In the end, the Panthers earned a much-needed 13-3 loss, and a chance to determine their own destiny in the playoffs.
No reader mail feature this week. Keep them emails coming.
Next week: your Panthers travel to the Capital City of Failure, Buffalo, to take on J.P. Losman and the Bills.
Until next time.
Rrowrrrr!
posted by Panther fan at 9:04 AM
2 Comments:
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