Week 6: Two (QBs) for the Money
I spent the first half of this week doing doc review in San Diego.
I stayed at the W Hotel, which marks the first time I've ever stayed at a hotel that's cooler than me. Everything there oozed a hipster vibe, from the techno music thumping through the lobby to the beanbags in our rooms to the trendy young hotel staff steeped in hair product and "Laguna Beach" plot points. At times it felt like the hotel was trying too hard, like the teacher who would sit cross-legged on the edge of his desk to show everybody he was "with it." Everything there had a little name. The gym was named "Sweat." The pool was named "Wet." And on our phones was a little button that said "Whatever/Whenever." I thought you were supposed to press it and the phone would start playing Shakira; instead, it connected you to their version of a concierge. I was tempted to dial Whatever/Whenever and ask to speak to Wet.
I was so uncool that upon checking in, I rolled my luggage right past the elevator banks ("Lift") into the restaurant. I eventually found my way back to Lift when a courteous young fellow dressed entirely in black darted out from behind a secret panel ("Let me get that for you, sir") and pressed the Up button. I felt like a supervillain at the grand opening of his secret lair.
On to the game. . .
Last Sunday, the mighty Blue, the Tar Heel Terror Squad, the most complete football team in the Super Bowl era, your CAROLINA PANTHERS, journeyed to Detroit, home of the Edsel, the 11.2 mpg SUV, and Joey Harrington. There lay the Lions, kings of the NFC North, who can score against you at will except when their offense is on the field. Facing conference leaders on their home turf, what chance could the underdog Panthers have?
One in a million, you say? So you're saying there's a chance. . .
In the first half, the Gary Kasparov of the gridiron, Jake Delhomme, was brilliant. Calling to mind the great Johnny U., with shades of Peyton Manning in any game that doesn't count, Delhomme threw touchdown after touchdown, to WR Rod Gardner, to LB Boss Bailey, to WR Steve Smith, to S Kenoy Kennedy! Unberrievaberr! At the end of the first half, it's 14-14 Panthers!
With an offense more in need of repair than the Oldsmobile line-up, Harrington led the Lions to all of two field goals in the second half. But for a city content to cripple their employers with bloated pension plans, six points seemed like it should be enough. And when Delhomme was taken out of the game by a questionable hit from Kenoy "Lone Gunman" Kennedy, the Panthers' fate seemed sealed. After all, who can replace a field general like Delhomme? Why, 2000 Heisman Trophy winner Chris Weinke! It's throwback time in the Superdome! The ageless Ricky Proehl is in at WR! Hogan slams Andre! Weinke's last seven passes are all to Ricky Proehl! We haven't seen this kind of chemistry since Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon! In the final minute--Weinke to Proehl! Touchdown! Panthers win! Panthers win!
Best post-game quote, as the Panthers head into a bye week and look ahead to playing Minnesota in two weeks:
Panthers CB Dante Wesley, on what he plans to do during his week off: "I'm not going near a lake."
Reader mail feature:
From Mike Y., in Cairo:
"Wouldn't all the teams in the NFL other than the 49ers be undefeated in Mexico; coming from Andover, I expect more of you than that."
I'm getting shit from a guy who once tried to impersonate an Australian by saying "Aaargh, matey!"? But, you're right Michael. Everybody except the 49ers and Dave's colon are undefeated in Mexico.
No update next week. But Smoot Dogg and the Vikes would have had their hands full anyway. How will they deal with a Panthers squad that's had an extra week to rest?
Until next time.
RROWRRRR!
I stayed at the W Hotel, which marks the first time I've ever stayed at a hotel that's cooler than me. Everything there oozed a hipster vibe, from the techno music thumping through the lobby to the beanbags in our rooms to the trendy young hotel staff steeped in hair product and "Laguna Beach" plot points. At times it felt like the hotel was trying too hard, like the teacher who would sit cross-legged on the edge of his desk to show everybody he was "with it." Everything there had a little name. The gym was named "Sweat." The pool was named "Wet." And on our phones was a little button that said "Whatever/Whenever." I thought you were supposed to press it and the phone would start playing Shakira; instead, it connected you to their version of a concierge. I was tempted to dial Whatever/Whenever and ask to speak to Wet.
I was so uncool that upon checking in, I rolled my luggage right past the elevator banks ("Lift") into the restaurant. I eventually found my way back to Lift when a courteous young fellow dressed entirely in black darted out from behind a secret panel ("Let me get that for you, sir") and pressed the Up button. I felt like a supervillain at the grand opening of his secret lair.
On to the game. . .
Last Sunday, the mighty Blue, the Tar Heel Terror Squad, the most complete football team in the Super Bowl era, your CAROLINA PANTHERS, journeyed to Detroit, home of the Edsel, the 11.2 mpg SUV, and Joey Harrington. There lay the Lions, kings of the NFC North, who can score against you at will except when their offense is on the field. Facing conference leaders on their home turf, what chance could the underdog Panthers have?
One in a million, you say? So you're saying there's a chance. . .
In the first half, the Gary Kasparov of the gridiron, Jake Delhomme, was brilliant. Calling to mind the great Johnny U., with shades of Peyton Manning in any game that doesn't count, Delhomme threw touchdown after touchdown, to WR Rod Gardner, to LB Boss Bailey, to WR Steve Smith, to S Kenoy Kennedy! Unberrievaberr! At the end of the first half, it's 14-14 Panthers!
With an offense more in need of repair than the Oldsmobile line-up, Harrington led the Lions to all of two field goals in the second half. But for a city content to cripple their employers with bloated pension plans, six points seemed like it should be enough. And when Delhomme was taken out of the game by a questionable hit from Kenoy "Lone Gunman" Kennedy, the Panthers' fate seemed sealed. After all, who can replace a field general like Delhomme? Why, 2000 Heisman Trophy winner Chris Weinke! It's throwback time in the Superdome! The ageless Ricky Proehl is in at WR! Hogan slams Andre! Weinke's last seven passes are all to Ricky Proehl! We haven't seen this kind of chemistry since Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon! In the final minute--Weinke to Proehl! Touchdown! Panthers win! Panthers win!
Best post-game quote, as the Panthers head into a bye week and look ahead to playing Minnesota in two weeks:
Panthers CB Dante Wesley, on what he plans to do during his week off: "I'm not going near a lake."
Reader mail feature:
From Mike Y., in Cairo:
"Wouldn't all the teams in the NFL other than the 49ers be undefeated in Mexico; coming from Andover, I expect more of you than that."
I'm getting shit from a guy who once tried to impersonate an Australian by saying "Aaargh, matey!"? But, you're right Michael. Everybody except the 49ers and Dave's colon are undefeated in Mexico.
No update next week. But Smoot Dogg and the Vikes would have had their hands full anyway. How will they deal with a Panthers squad that's had an extra week to rest?
Until next time.
RROWRRRR!
posted by Panther fan at 11:10 PM
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